How to Help Your Teenager Find Their Purpose Before College

As a parent, you've probably had that moment — watching your teenager scroll through their phone for hours, unsure what they want to study, what career to pursue, or even what they're truly passionate about. You're not alone. According to Stanford Professor William Damon's landmark study, only about 20% of youth in the United States have a clear sense of purpose.

That statistic haunted me when I first encountered it. It's what led me to spend years developing a research-backed approach to help young people — including teenagers — discover their unique, positive purpose. And what our PhD research with over 1,288 participants has shown is both encouraging and clear: purpose can be intentionally fostered, and those who need it most benefit the most.

Why Purpose Matters More Than Grades

Here's something that might surprise you: a teenager with a clear sense of purpose is more resilient against peer pressure, less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, and more likely to achieve academically — not because they're chasing grades, but because their schoolwork suddenly means something.

Research studies show that purposeful adolescents are: - More motivated in school - Less likely to experience depression - More likely to exhibit pro-social behavior - Better equipped to handle familial instability and psychological challenges

In other words, helping your teen find purpose isn't a luxury — it's one of the most protective things you can do for them.

The Problem with "What Do You Want to Be?"

Most parents ask their teens, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" It's a well-meaning question, but it's the wrong one. It forces a teenager to pick a career label — doctor, lawyer, engineer — before they've had any opportunity to understand who they actually are.

A better question is: "What activities make you feel most alive?"

In our purpose-discovery process, we start by helping teens identify their passions — not the objects of their passions, but the underlying aspects that make those activities fulfilling. A teen who loves basketball might not be destined for the NBA, but they may thrive in environments that involve teamwork, competition, and physical strategy. That insight changes everything.

Three Things Parents Can Do Right Now

1. Help them identify the "flavors" of their passions.

Think of it like a chef at a restaurant in Basel, Switzerland, who makes dishes without a menu. Guests write down three foods they love and two they dislike. The chef uses the flavors — not the specific foods — to create something new. Your teen's passions work the same way. The activities they love share underlying "aspects" — identify those, and you've found the building blocks of purpose.

2. Resist the urge to choose for them.

In our research, one of the most important findings was that purpose cannot be found for someone. Active participation is essential. The teen must engage in their own self-exploration. Your role is to provide the framework and support — not the answers.

3. Create space for meaningful conversation.

Research has identified that in-depth discussion about purpose is one of the most powerful catalysts for purpose development in youth. Turn off the screens. Ask open-ended questions. Listen more than you speak.

The Shape Sorter Analogy

I often use the analogy of a child's shape sorter toy. Before you can place a brick into the right hole, you need to examine the brick's shape. Most people skip this step in their own lives — they try to fit themselves into careers and roles without first understanding their own unique dimensions.

When teens go through our 6-step purpose discovery journey, the first thing they do is examine their own "shape" — their unique combination of talents, passions, and character strengths. Only then do they look for the slot in the world where that shape fits perfectly.

What the Research Shows

In our study with youth in educational settings, we found a strong effect: students who started with lower levels of purpose showed the greatest gains after going through the purpose-fostering intervention. Purpose can be taught. Purpose can be coached. And the teens who feel most lost are often the ones who benefit the most.

The moment a student recognizes that they have something unique to contribute to the universe, they become engaged with the process and inspired and motivated to find their unique, positive purpose.

Take the First Step

If your teenager is feeling directionless — or if you simply want to give them a head start before college — our AI-powered purpose assessment is a great place to begin. Based on PhD research and tested with over a thousand participants, it guides teens through the same self-discovery process that has transformed lives in our studies.

Because every teen has a purpose. They just need the right framework to find it.